My Future Stinky Clothes

Most of my friends are Wal-Mart haters.  And when they’re all I hate Wal-Mart, I try to keep a low profile and back away slowly, because I’ve harbored this secret for years, which is that I actually like Wal-Mart.  At least, I like my Wal-Mart.  My Wal-Mart is the one in Sevierville, TN.  It’s gotta be like the busiest Wal-Mart in the world.  Basically everyone who wants to visit The Great Smoky Mountains National Park is first funneled into this particular Wal-Mart.  And they’re all just so happy to be here, and they’re all, like, lost, which is funny to me, and it’s just a really great experience, being around all the happy, lost tourists.  And I don’t know any of them, ever.  Ever, ever.  So I don’t ever have to have conversations.  With as many people as there are in that building at any given time, going to that Wal-Mart is like insurance against social interaction.  Which is my kind of insurance.

And also I buy a lot of workout clothing there.  Continue reading